Goldman Sachs and the Fabulous Future of Fabrice Tourre

Is there a future at Goldman Sachs for Fabrice Tourre? The self-styled “fabulous Fab” was the only individual clipped as co-defendant in the suit by the Securities and Exchange Commission over Goldman’s late 2006 flogging of the exotic financial derivative Abacus, a credit default obligation based on a portfolio of toxic subprime mortgages.

Tourre is now safe-housed in London -- Goldman having evidently taken the strategic decision to keep their erstwhile wonder-boy clasped in close embrace for the duration of its legal exposures. 

For which, by contrast, compare the unpleasant consequential exposures for Société Générale, whose rogue ex-trader Jérôme Kerviel’s just published tell-all, “L’Engrenage, Mémoire d’un Trader”, re-ignites the early 2008 agony of his multi-billion euro infliction; or Arthur Andersen’s ready disavowal and jettison of Enron engagement partner David Duncan, before its own flame-out in 2002.

It would be inductively flawed for Tourre to assume continued enjoyment of his employer’s long-term hospitality. Thanksgiving turkeys, fattening in luxury through the autumn, learn to their dismay of the radical adjustment in their life-style when the farmer’s late-November strategy brings down the axe. Equally, Tourre’s useful life at Goldman is tied entirely to the resolution of its concerns with law enforcement.

So, being well-advised, he should expect to become chum for the sharks either as part of a settlement or directly thereafter.

Unless of course he can prove his present value by re-programming the energy with which he hawked the Abacus product to Goldman’s ready market of credulous believers. 

And how? The British bookmakers have already captured the odds-making on the survival prospects of the Tory/Lib Dem coalition. This year’s action on the NCAA basketball tournament is over. And the consequences of BP’s blown well in the Gulf of Mexico are priced into existing petroleum futures.

Other exotic alternatives? Given the volatility of emerging information about the organized church, arising from Chile to Germany, what about “clerical futures,” tied to the predicted tenure and turn-over of a portfolio of Catholic bishops, or the likelihood of Episcopal schism based on gay ordinations?

Or perhaps a wager on the total first-year sales volume of Apple’s iPad – directly tied to the roll-out of the device itself rather than the prosaic proxy of AAPL’s stock price?

Or here: our cultures now encourage wagers on the duration of life itself, through life insurance, viatical settlements and reverse mortgages -- and pre-nuptial agreements are increasingly used to manage the business side of romantic associations. Do the investment bankers’ innovators not see an unexploited niche market for financial products tied to the durability of marital contracts?

A full range of investment opportunities should be available. A customized wager on the likelihood of the neighbors’ break-up would require frequent re-pricing, depending on the level of loud arguments and broken crockery. By contrast, standardized trades could be tied to the five-year intervals celebrated in the etiquette books – call them “anniversary futures,” denominated wood, tin, pearl, silver, and golden, and priced accordingly.

The records of the domestic courts would also make historical data available to underpin trading opportunities in “marriage pools” -- say, by parish or profession or income level -- with divisions into tranches and risk ratings differentially assigned and priced. 

Consider the risk-disclosure language in the offering documents: triple-AAA ratings for the likely fidelity of a group of unadventurous stay-at-home actuaries – or junk-level assessment for the ten-year prospects of wander-lustful professional golfers or soccer players or elected officials.

These ideas might generate a certain reticence among portions of the investor community. Betting against the probity of the local clergy might infringe some sensitivities. Hard-core adherents to the sanctity of life-long vows might be uncomfortable taking bear positions. But no more so than the occasional unease with the role of short-sellers in the equities markets – recalling that nobody actually forced Goldman’s clients to buy those doubtful-looking CDO’s.

A host of small details would remain to be worked through – whether insider status would extend to clergy or divorce lawyers, for example.

But these are small concerns, and “the Fab” has time on his hands. 

Unless, being smarter than a turkey, he is already busy trading the over/under on his departure date.

 

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